Lady Lady

It has now been a month since I turned 22. This past year has been filled with so much love and gratitude, but as the new year got closer, I’ve also been met with this underlying feeling of anxiety. 22 is very young, I understand, but in my eyes, I only see it as another year of my life passing by. The days leading up to my birthday were spent overthinking. "I haven’t done enough.” “I’ve wasted so much time.” “How can I keep evolving?” The thoughts haven’t completely faded away; they’ve only gotten quieter.

As I started to think about the woman I want to be in this next chapter of my life, I looked at the examples who have stood beside me my whole life: my mother and grandmother. There wasn’t a single person who could say anything bad about my grandmother. She was incredibly kind, loving, and accepting. All traits that I promise to carry with me and exude every day. Every lesson, every quote, every drop of knowledge she was able to give me, I have kept and never forgotten. To be remembered in that way would be the greatest gift. My mom is the definition of strength and grace. A woman who’s overcome so much in life, but you would barely know. From her, I learned that it's okay to feel all of your emotions deeply but to never let them control you. When I think of a woman, I think of them.

I have always been the type of person who lives in the future. My mind is constantly on what’s next or what’s to come. This has become an ever-growing problem in my personal and professional life. But lately it’s been causing more stress than usual. It got to a point where I just felt stuck; there’s no other word for it, and I couldn’t get myself out of this rut of just not feeling good enough in so many aspects of my life. I slowly realized that the only way for me to pick myself up was to do what I’m good at. Talk. So, I did. I sat with friends, and my mother (who is also a Gemini), and I had to come to terms with the fact that there’s simply nothing I can physically do to stop time from passing. Because that’s what time does. The timeline I had mapped out for myself became less prominent in my mind. The idea of taking every day as it was very scary to me. But it was only scary because it was new to me.

I have no idea what this year holds for me. I have hopes, and I have dreams, but I also know that what’s meant for me will never pass and that change is inevitable. So, I’ll breathe and accept the change. I’ll have gratitude for even the smallest things. I’ll live in the moment for as long as I can, but most importantly, I’ll have faith and trust that I am exactly where I’m supposed to be.